AuDHD (Autism and ADHD)

# Autism Terminology: Common Dos and Don'ts

Use This	Avoid This
Autistic person, Autist, Autistic, On the Autism Spectrum	Person with Autism
Is Autistic	Identifies as having autism
Is disabled, Has a disability	"Special needs", "Differently abled", "Handi-capable"
Neurotypical (NT), Allistic, Non-Autistic	Normal
Has high support needs, Has low support needs	Low functioning High functioning
Masked Autism	Female Autism, Asperger's, High-functioning Autism
Nonverbal, Loses speech	Mute, Dumb
Intellectually disabled, Developmentally disabled	R*tarded, Stupid, "Special"

# Traits Commonly Associated with "Female Autism" (Masked Autism)

## Emotional

Strikes others as emotionally immature and sensitive.
Prone to outbursts or crying jags, sometimes over seemingly small things.
Has trouble recognizing or naming one's feelings.
Ignores or suppresses emotions until they "bubble up" and explode.
May become disturbed or overwhelmed when others are upset, but uncertain how to respond or support them.
Goes "blank" and seems to shut down after prolonged socializing or when overstimulated.

## Psychological

Reports a high degree of anxiety, especially social anxiety.
Is perceived by others as moody and prone to bouts of depression.
May have been diagnosed with mood disorders such as Bipolar Disorder, or personality disorders such as Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, before Autism was discovered.
Fears rejection intensely and tries to manage how other people feel to avoid it.
Has an unstable sense of self, perhaps highly dependent on the opinions of others.

## Behavioral

Uses control to manage stress: follows intense self-imposed rules, despite having an otherwise unconventional personality.
Is usually happiest at home or in a familiar, predictable environment.
Seems youthful for their age, in looks, dress, behavior, or interests.
Prone to excessive exercise, calorie restriction, or other eating disordered behaviors.
Neglects physical health until it becomes impossible to ignore.
Self-soothes by constantly fidgeting, listening to repetitive music, twirling hair, picking at skin or cuticles, etc.

## Social

Is a social chameleon; adopts the mannerisms and interests of the groups they're in.
May be highly self-educated but will have struggled with social aspects of college or their career.
Can be very shy or mute, yet can become very outspoken when discussing a subject they are passionate about.
Struggles to know when to speak when in large groups or at parties.
Does not initiate conversations but can appear outgoing and comfortable when approached.
Can socialize, but primarily in shallow, superficial ways that may seem like a performance. Struggles to form deeper friendships.
Has trouble disappointing or disagreeing with someone during a real-time conversation.

# Masking as Overcorrection

For many masked Autistics, the best way to camouflage a socially undesirable quality is to rebound into the complete opposite direction, and overcorrect for anything neurotypical people and institutions have taught us to hate about ourselves. Devon Price - Unmasking Autism

I was thaught it was bad to be -> So I had to pretend to be -> I did this by behaving this way

## Arrogant -> Humble

Pretending I didn't know the answers to questions
Keeping silent when people said things that weren't true
Softening statements with phrases like "if that makes any sense" or "maybe" to make myself sound less certain

## Cold & Unfeeling -> Warm & Friendly

Smiling all the time no matter how I felt
Asking people about their feelings and not talking about myself
Taking care of other people whenever they were upset

## Annoying & Loud -> Agreeable & Quiet

Only experiencing big emotions in private
Solving problems by myself
Not getting "too excited" about anything, including good things

## Childish -> Mature

Serving as a confidant for adults and authority figures
Carrying myself in a restrained, "proper" way
Acting like a "teacher's pet" or "little professor" and distancing myself from my peers

## Awkward -> Cool

Withdrawing from any activity I wasn't instantly good at
Pretending to be aloof and uncaring
Rehearsing fake conversations in my mind so I could make talking to people seem effortless

## Clueless, Pathetic & Independent

Nodding or laughing, even when I have no idea what's going on
Developing unique, private habits and "hacks" that make it possible for me to hold my life together
Making sure my life looks "put together" on paper, even at the expense of my health or happiness

## Sensitive -> Strong

Not voicing my needs
Feeling ashamed whenever I wanted to cry or express anger
Fighting internally with every "disruptive" emotion I felt

## Weak -> Though

Mocking or being aggressive with other people
Thinking of myself as superior to others
Showing distaste for anything society considers feminine, soft, or tender

## Weird -> Normal

Studying what other people like in a systematic, analytical way
Imitating people or characters' mannerisms, style of dress, tone of voice, etc.
Mocking those who are more obviously "weird" than I

# How Neurodivergent People Show Love

# Common Autistic Communication Needs

Overall Need	Common Autistic Communication Needs
Clear Expectations	- Specific plans with details about time, place, and what is likely to happen - A clear "yes" or "no," no euphemisms like "I'll think about it" - Meeting agendas that are handed out in advance, and then adhered to - Reading materials, questions, and discussion topics being provided in advance of a panel, interview, or other high-stress public event - Step-by-step, detailed instructions on how to complete a task - Specific, measurable outcomes or goals.
Explicit Messaging	- Not assuming people can use facial expression, tone of voice, posture, breathing, or tears as indicators of emotion - Giving direct explanations of feelings: "I am disappointed right now because ..." - Recognition and respect of boundaries: "It doesn't sound like Sherry wants to talk about that right now." - Not punishing or judging people for failing to read between the lines. - Using clarifying questions: "What would you like me to do about this?"
Reduced Sensory/Social Load	- Having no expectation of eye contact during intense conversations - Giving space to talk about challenging topics while driving, taking a walk, or doing something with one's hands - Allowing people to express emotions and opinions via text, email, or handwritten note - Giving people time alone to reflect on their feelings and beliefs - Learning to recognize fawning, and signs of an upcoming meltdown - Providing frequent breaks from socializing, or quiet spaces people can retreat to